Retail Hell The Book

Retail Hell Book Signing at Borders Glendale

Borders Manager Jenifer Steiner did a really cool display on the table. Thank you to everyone that came out. A LOT of books were sold and Jenifer had a huge increase. Yay!

The Retail Hell Secret Sales Associate Protection Program - cover the face. You, never know. There are corporate spies everywhere.

Former Retail Slave (and one of my coworkers), Lida has her copy of Retail Hell. She was happy to be reading about it instead of living it.

With my friend Barb Roche.

With Maria (left) and Christiana (right). Both are survivors of Retail Hell and Mount Fancy.

With my customer friends Debbie, her son, Sean, and Kerry.

I think Sean wanted to get his hands on that sharpie and help me. I would have let him too.

My former Retail Hell Sales Associates: (from left) Jeff, Krystine, me, Christiana, Vanessa, Sue, and a friend who is part of the Retail Hell Secret Sales Associate Protection Program.

My former place of employment in Glendale. That's all I'm sayin.

Customer Reject

Necessity trumps accessory.

Hungry Piggy Shopper

From ScottyRS:

So I sometimes work in the "demo hut" at the local unique grocery store.

Customers go bonkers for anything in a sample cup, it doesn't matter if is is sunflower seed butter and reduced sugar jam sandwich or Thai chicken strips. Samples are usually quite small, often because the warehouse shorts us on orders for featured items.

One slow evening, around 8:15, a obese middle age woman waddles over to the counter. She is wearing wildly mismatched shorts and blouse. Her stomach extended far out and jiggled as she moved. A real piece of work.

There were several cups of the aforementioned SSBJ sammies on a serving plate. The woman immediately asked me if I could open a jar of peanut butter for her, I politely but firmly said "no."

All the while she was grabbing the little sandwiches out of their cups ans stuffing them in her mouth. Other customers avoiding the samples because this revolting woman was blocking the entire counter.

A co-worker, a spry old man known as the "Dairy Troll," comes over to get his lunch and observes my exchange with this woman.

I finally ask her to not take anymore, then I have to slide the plate away from her.

My co-worker says "Wow she really likes those!" loud enough for her to her.

She finally relents and retreats to the nearby bathroom, presumably to take an enormous shit.

"She's going to be a while," the Dairy Troll says. "There's a lot stuck up there."

Just another day in the grocery game.

-ScottyRS

I'm Signing Retail Hell At Borders Glendale Today!

My hand is ready to be crippled from signing a million copies of Retail Hell!

Borders in Glendale, California, 3-5pm.

This Borders holds personal significance because it's a block from where some of my Retail Hell went down. We used to hang out there on our breaks. What else is there to do for Retail Slaves at lunch, but buy books, CDs, and magazines! Many of my former co-workers and customers are coming. Can't wait to see everyone!

Mannequins at Work

....making a mess.

Just don't let Lady Ga Ga see those glow sticks.

Reuters Article on Retail Hell

You gotta love ad placement! You never know what's going to pop up. This one was so good I had to take a pic.

I was interviewed by Ellen Wulfhorst of Reuters and she wrote a retailicious article!

You can check it out by clicking HERE.... then see what ad you get!

Below is the article on Yahoo where Retail Hell became a fashion sandwich between Gwen Stefani and Armani! How fucking cool is that? Gwen is a musical fashion goddess!

Dumbass Coffee Customer Encounter

I was at the Lazy N, and was standing behind a customer at the E-bar, waiting to get a mocha. The customer initially ordered a tall latte. The barista marked up the cup and then said "$3.42 Please!"

The customer gawked and said HOW MUCH?

The barista repeated herself, and the customer counted her change, and the barista said "Would you rather have a smaller cup? It's less money?" 

The customer stood there, clearly boggled, and wanted the prices repeated. So the barista obliges. Then the customer asked "Why are the prices different??"

The barista held up the cups and said 'well, one cup is bigger than the other, so...'

The customer then pointed to a cup and said "It's not fair there are different prices!!!" 

I wish you could see the look on the barista's face, I wanted to laugh, but I initially thought the customer was kidding.

(I think anyone who's worked with "the public" has shown that face before they developed their poker face a little better.)

When it was my turn, I told the barista I wanted a tall, but I wanted the universal price, she laughed and said "Nice Try!" I guess I go there too often??

Dianne Hansson

Kerry's Fitting Room Nightmare Part 15: Scream

When Kerry walked into work, this is how she started her day.

The Piggy Shoppers were out in full force.

But she didn't SCREAM until she saw this...

CLICK HERE

Retail Hell Comment of the Week

Arcadia Borders Retail Hell Book Signing

I had my first signing at Borders in Arcadia. Thanks to Jamie Caracci for a great time. All of the custys were nice except I did encounter a Picky Bitch ( a woman who inspected the book's physical condition for ten minutes and then didn't buy it) and a Bloodsucker (who repeatedly asked me how to say my name and what it was about while she talked about her kids and family duties - she didn't buy either). But to all those that did buy, a RETAILICIOUS THANK YOU!

He was buying for his wife who works in retail, but I have a sneaking suspicion he was going to check it out. His kids got Harry Potter and Warriors - great choices. Oh and they were awesome kids - no Hell Spawn there!

With Betty Gomez who was one of my customers that became a second mother to me. Who says good things don't come out of Retail Hell? At the end of the day it's the people you love who make you laugh that get you through it.

With my friend Kari Del Mastro. I'm manny to her french bull dog named Lanie (manny is the male version of nanny for those of you who don't know). As Kari and I were smiling for the pic, little did we know, at that very moment said bulldog named Lanie had found a way to get on the dinning room table and get herself a Subway sandwich which ended up in pieces smeared all over the chairs and floors. Maybe she was mad because she couldn't come to the signing.