Christmas Asshole: What She Really Wanted To Say

From Retail Hell Underground:

Hello, this is Satan's Spawn reporting to you straight from the Gates Of Hell.

I, being the lucky Wal-Mart employee that I am, was put on the Lawn and Garden gate to greet/sell Christmas Trees for a few hours a few days before Christmas.

After being there for roughly four hours, I was already fed up with all of these bitch customers' Christmas Spirit. I figured I would be able to at least get through the rest of my shift without the usual bitchfits. Clearly, this was wishful thinking.

First, within the first fifteen minutes of getting to the gate, it starts to rain and snow. I don't mean that light snow that's almost like mist, I mean full-on fucking cotton balls falling from the sky.

Then some stupid kids (you know, the usual sophomores in high school who have just gotten their driver's license that think they run shit) come in and knock over at least three Christmas Trees. Now, for those of you who have never manhandled a Christmas Tree, they're VERY heavy especially when wet (as they were, considering it had been snowing out consistently throughout the week).

To top it off, one guy came through with his wife and walked right past me. Thinking nothing of it, I went back to planning the destruction of the facility.

Well, a few minutes later he comes back with a Christmas Tree and hands me money.

I tell him politely that he has to go inside to pay for it.

He absolutely has a kanipshit, calling me a "fucking moron" for not telling him that you had to pay.

As he leaves, of course he can't shut the fuck up and has to go out in a blaze of glory, screaming "Of course this didn't work out, it NEVER does. Of course, that fucking moron is just STANDING there with her thumb up her ass!"

I merely wished them a happy holiday.

What I should have said was:

"Well, sir, if you haven't noticed, it's snowing and raining out, and cash registers are electric. Please, tell me how the fuck you expect a cash register to function under these conditions. Have you ever paid for anything outside? No, you have not, as there has never been a cash register outside at any point at this particular store. If none of these trees are good enough for you, why don't you save yourself the inconvenience and me the bullshit and go cut your own goddamn tree from your backyard you ignorant son of a bitch. Please go fuck yourself and I hope your house burns down on Christmas."