Good day RHU, Trader Jack here again wishing to first thank all who commented on my first post, and second off to provide a bit of relief from the lustful wants of old husks with another tale from Flowering Valleys that is equal parts customer suck, and customer LOL.
This event occurred several months afterwards, when I was approached by a touring couple (as they neither sounded nor acted like anyone local) whom I shall refer to as Mr. and Mrs. Fail, because that's really the only thing they proved themselves apt at.
Mr. and Mrs. Fail need assistance in the cutlery section, wanting to get a knife for their daughter as a wedding present and insisting I must be quick because they only have 15 minutes. Not a problem, I think as I ask them if their daughter has set up a registry with us.
Mr. Fail: I don't know. We just need a knife.
Okay, still not yet a problem. I quickly explain that by luck the registry office is not more than two departments down the hall and I can quickly go check their system to see if their daughter has a listing. Their response?
Mr. Fail: No, we don't have time for that. Can't you look it up here?
Unfortunately at the time this could not be done as we were still using stone age registers that predated the DOS system (still worked remarkably well though) and could not connect to the databases of other departments. Upon noticing a sour look coming over both my custies I immediately follow up that it'll take me only a moment or so to check and get their daughter's registry and then send them on their way with their gift.
Mr. Fail: Well as I just said, we don't have time for you to go waltzing off. We need help finding a knife.
And now we officially have a problem: Flowering Valleys, like all major department stores, stocks dozens of knives by several different manufacturers, all of which are of different weights, different handle designs, different grades and types of steel, and vastly different price ranges. In my experience, I've found it's generally a bad idea selling knives to people who are buying them for someone not present since everyone cuts and chops in a different way, and what may feel like a perfect fit to the buyer is not guaranteed to be a perfect fit for the intended recipient.
Since, however, Mr. and Mrs. Fail are adamant that I not leave their side, I try to get some information to best determine what would at least be a safe bet for their daughter (and thus not result in another angry faced return at some point down the line).
Me: "Okay, do you perchance know what brand of knives your daughter uses now?"
Mrs. Fail: "No."
Me: "Alright, well I apologise if this sounds a bit strange, but do you know how your daughter chops with her knives? Does she do a rocking motion or more of a straight up chop?" I demonstrate both to the couple.
Mrs. Fail: "Why would I pay attention to how she chops food? Why are you asking that?"
I explain the differences in knife blade designs, how some have a greater curve to facilitate rocking and some have a sharply angled point for chopping. For most custies this usually brings up a slight nod of amusement at having learned something they didn't know before, for the Fails...not so much.
Mr. Fail: "Look don't make this complicated okay? We've gotta be at the airport in 15 minutes so just help us pick a knife already so we can get out of here."
Wait..what?
Me: "I'm sorry sir, you're on your way to the airport?"
Mr. Fail: "Yes! Are you not listening to us?"
For the record I was, very intently. My question was more aimed at whether they were actually being serious, considering the nearest airport (going on the times I've traveled there myself) is at least 20 minutes away from the store's location, and that's just how long it takes to get to the terminal doors, on a good day with low traffic.
Not wanting to make them any more likely to miss their flight, however, I decide to again state my previous request about checking if their daughter has a registry as it's really the fastest way I can help them find what they're after and get them on their way.
Mr. Fail: I said we don't have time! Why do you keep bringing that up!?
Well let me see, besides the already stated fact about facilitating the whole gift finding process, if your daughter did register with us, she most likely registered for a specific type of knife (or more likely a set of knives). Thus if I just grab one at random for you there's a pretty big chance it's going to be the wrong one, and that's not going to make for a very happy scene when you present it to her.
I explain this in the most polite way possible, getting first a very annoyed glancing at watches from Mr. Fail and a very aggravated groan at how dare I even think of exploring a possible alternative way of aiding this couple.
Mr. Fail: Fine, do what you have to. Just remember if we miss our flight, it's your ass on the line!
I wait for the expected vital piece of information to follow. It does not.
Me: Sir, may I ask what your daughter's name is?
Mr. Fail: Oh for the love of, it's Myparents R Fail! Now move! Our flight leaves in 10 minutes!
Still 93% certain they were doomed to miss their flight the instant they decided to come in to the store and shop for gifts rather than hightail it to the airport, I haul ass down to the registry office. Here's the breakdown of how long the process actually takes (yes I timed myself):
1 min 33 seconds to walk to the registry office.
26 seconds to check the system for their daughter's name. Lo and behold she IS registered with us, and as a nice bonus there's still a knife on her list that hasn't been purchased!
12 seconds to print the registry.
1 min 31 seconds to walk back.
3 mins to find the knife and ring it up.
Adding it all up, I could easily have gotten them out with time to spare if they'd simply let me do as I asked from the get go. It probably would not have been enough time to reach their destination but still...
Mrs. Fail: You know, you've been really rude throughout this whole affair. You keep asking stupid questions, you don't listen to us, and now we're going to miss our flight because of you! I hope you're happy!
A hurried departure ensues and peace returns to the Flowering Valley's kitchenware area.
Then comes the following week when, at the morning meeting, our manager announces he's has a small issue concerning an incident that corporate notified him about. Yep it appears Mr. and Mrs. Fail later found time to write a nicely condescending letter about how incompetent the Flowering Valleys staff are, and how badly they were inconvenienced by a rude, inept and wholly unfit sales associate in the knife department.
They also prove in this letter that, in addition to being ignorant people and inconsiderate parents, they're also terrible liars.
Not only do they repeat their spiel about having only 15 minutes to reach the airport that most certainly cannot be reached in 15 minutes (my manager gave an amusing "what the hell?" look at that), they also mention I continually insisted about checking the registry and they continually prevented me from doing so thus prolonging the transaction. They of course try to word it to sound like I was in the wrong on all accounts, but it's still abundantly clear that their inconvenience was more their fault than it was mine.
This, however, pales in comparison to their ultimate faux pas: they actually admit they didn't get my name, and don't give any physical description of who served them. They literally just mention 'a guy in the knife department' which, considering this happened on a Saturday when the knife brand representatives are also present, would the fit the profile of no less than SIX possible store associates.
End result, rather than a severe disciplining and subsequent firing, all Mr. and Mrs. Fail accomplished with their literary condemnation was my manager giving a brief lecture about calling him or another manager over next time to ensure they can vouch for our conduct, and then continuing on as normal.
There was sadly no mention on if they made their flight.
--Trader Jack
