Retail Hell The Book

Badass Retail Slave Story and Pic: Neglectful Dad Let's Hellspawn Brat Pillage Gas Station Store

From Tanya onn Retail Hell Underground:

Hey again, it's Tanya, infrequent contributor.

After spending a year in Florida unable to find a job, I had to move back to New York. And I actually managed to get a job, back at the gas station I worked at in high school. It's not glamorous or anything, but it's a pretty good paycheck, which is always a plus.

Now if only the customers (and coworkers! but that's a story for another day) would behave. But hey, if life was perfect, I wouldn't be able to participate in RHU storytime. So, time to dish the dirt!

First Custy is Mr. Smellman. Named such because he's a man, and he smells really, really awful. Now, I live in a fairly "hick" part of New York, so people smelling like farm and deer urine, especially in the fall, isn't weird. This guy just doesn't shower.

And rather than politely stand on the other side of the counter, where there's a two food barrier between me and him, he instead opts to lean alllll the way over the counter, and sigh as he contemplates which cigarettes his poor self can afford. The first time I had to wait on him, I just about gagged. The second time he came in, I fled into the milk cooler to try and avoid him (felt sorry for my co-worker, though, and bought her a soda after he left).

He's perfectly polite, at least, which is more than I can say for... 

Child Neglect Man.

This guy is a long time regular, and NO ONE likes dealing with him. He owns a small business nearby, and because of it thinks that he owns the world. I could write pages upon pages about the shit this man has done in our store, but I'll just do the most recent.

He came in with his son, to get an ice cream for the brat. Well, his phone rings. Rather than keep an eye on his stupid brat (or keep the little shit in the car), he stands with his back to the kid and talks on the phone. I had been doing some stock, and I come back to the register to see the pic above.

THE KID HAD CLIMBED OUR SHELVES. And was just SITTING UP THERE. Those shelves are NOT meant to be climbed, or hold a person up. Hell, they kind of dangerously lean when I put stock on them.

Child Neglect Man finally hangs up his phone and gets his kid down... only for his phone to ring AGAIN. This time, the little brat yanked a piece of jerky (our most expensive jerky, of course) off the display and started eating it. 

Finally, the guy gets off his phone, rounds up his kid (who had been running all over the store), and brings his stuff to the counter. This man doesn't pay attention to what we charge him, lucky me, so I didn't have to point out that his stupid hellspawn ate a piece of jerky.

Of course, he pays by check (something the boss isn't super fond of with anyone, because we get ripped off by bad checks so often)... A HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. For a purchase of NINE DOLLARS.

I'd been cashing checks since I got there, and breaking large bills. I was LIVID. Then his little brat ran down and turned off our store lights. I literally yanked the money out of there, slammed the register, marched around and put it in his hand, and said (quite coldly) "Here's your change." I wanted to add "Get the hell out of my store" but that's bad business, and all.

Then he got ANOTHER PHONE CALL. This time the kid yanked open one of our "yard of gum" candies and ran off with it. There's been more than one case where the guy has just obliviously left without paying for shit his kids (yeah, he has more than one, and they're ALL THIS BAD) take/ruin, but this time he noticed and paid... with a hundred dollar bill.

Goodbye, most of my register. I was so pissed.

Thanks for lettin' me rant again!

Love and Lysol,

--Tanya

 

Hellspawn Tales 2Fer: Blind Piggy Parent and Bitchy Entitled Parent

From Retail Hell Underground blogger NC Tony:

Hey all, NC Tony here with two stories on one of our favorite subjects, HELLSPAWN!

This first story actually comes from Mrs. NC.

As I mentioned in pretty much every post where the Mrs is mentioned, she works in the photo lab at Wal-Fart. She and her manager were busy putting out freight in the camera accessories aisle. Not too far away Mrs. Oblivious was using the self serve machines to make her own pictures. Her Hellspawn (probably about 3 or 4) was busy literally tearing the packaging off a disposable camera.

It was not clear if Mrs. Oblivious had bought or was planning to buy said disposable camera, but even if she was, she was totally ignoring the fact that her daughter was shredding the packaging throwing pieces of it everywhere. This is not something you can do quietly.

On top of this, the little hellion was asking her mother over and over and over if she could help her get the packaging off.

At this point, the little monster had destroyed the outer packaging, all that was left was the foil wrapper around the actual camera. For the sixth time, Little Miss Messy asked her mother for help, this was finally when Mrs. Oblivious realized what her daughter had done, my wife didn't actually hear what she said, but she looked horrified.

By the time they realized that the woman had no intention of buying the camera she was gone, the camera (still in the foil packaging) was sitting on the machine, the shredded packaging all over the floor.

They had to put the camera in as "known theft" because without the original packaging it was unsellable (is that even a word or did I just make up a new one?). As I said, my wife and her manager were busy with restocking and couldn't constantly check on her.

This next tale comes from my days at the Big Red Bullseye, and was inspired by the other night on ad-set. As you all know, most RF guns beep when you scan things. As I was going through while the store was still open (ad-set usually starts about an hour or so before we close) scanning, the RF was beeping, and a kid kept saying "Beep daddy, beep!".

Flash back about 5-6 years to my days at the Bullseye. I was out on the floor putting out merchandise, I was using my RF gun to scan the items to make sure of where they went. Some little kid sees my cool "laser scanner" and wants to see it. So he goes and asks his mother to ask me if he can see it.

I politely explain to her that my scanner is a rather expensive piece of equipment (and the company had just recently bought us new ones, so they were only a few months old) not a toy, and while he can look at it he can't actually handle it.

Cue bitch in 3, 2, 1.

"He's not going to break it!"

Did I miss something? When does "I'm sorry, but this is a rather expensive piece of equipment, not a  toy. I can show it to him, but I can't actually let him use it." equal "No, he can't touch it because he might break it!"?

Did I miss a class somewhere? Oh right, this is an entitled bitch who thinks that everyone else in the world is here to make her life easier.

"I never said that. I was just saying--"

"Never mind. You could have just said no." Takes junior and storms off.

I did you fucking cuntbag. And nicely too. Would you rather I tell you to fuck off? I can do that.

The kid didn't even look upset. He even looked a little excited when I said I would be willing to show him how it worked. I wasn't all that busy (just killing time until I could clock out in a half hour), I would have been happy to take a couple of minutes to show him how it worked.

But that wasn't good enough for Bitchzilla. Apparently my polite refusal to let the kid hold a $3,000 piece of equipment that was essential to doing my job was the same as accusing the kid of being a fucking klutz and predicting he'd break the scanner.

Some days I really hate people.

Present company excluded of course.

--NC Tony

Bad Mom Encounter At Pet Store

From FishBitch on Retail Hell Underground:

Hey all, I recently came across this site and was absou-freakin-loutely delighted. I hate that age-old-adage that the customer is always right and have been dying to find a place to complain about some really nutso customers I've had.

I've worked at a certain pet store, lets call it Etp-Marts, for almost a year now. Every day I am astounded at how entitled people seem to feel and how down right rude people can get over the smallest thing...! This one certainly takes the cake, so to speak.

One weekend I was working, it was pretty well swamped throughout the store, though thankfully my department had slowed down. It was just myself and my one coworkers helping out the last few customers. I was getting some feeder fish for an older couple when I was approached by two very young kids.

The older of the two, a boy, was probably only around 3 feet tall and I'm guessing six or seven at most. The younger one, a girl, was still toddling around a bit so I'm guessing she was no more than three or four. The young boy very shyly says "Excuse me" and I turn my attention to him as soon as I am done with the older couple.

The boy asks for some of the feeder fish and I ask him if his parents are around. We have a store policy that says we cannot give live animals to young kids without their parents or guardians around.

Well the boy simply says his mom is waiting in the CAR and she sent them in for the fish. A little shocked, I apologize and tell him his mom has to be in here, too. The poor kid looks traumatized as he walks away and I couldn't really figure out why.

It wasn't long before I had my answer.

It was about five minutes later, and I was finishing up getting crickets for another custy when this disheveled woman comes rushing in reeking of cigarette smoke and beer. She immediately gets in my face. Lets call her Drunk Bitch. (DB.)

DB: What the hell is this shit about not being able to get my kids fish?

Me: Well, ma'am, unfortunately we have a policy that says we are unable to sell fish to young children without their parents or guardians...

DB: I don't give a shit about your policy. They are 27-fuckin-cent fish. This is absolute bull shit!

Mind you, her kids are standing behind her looking about ready to cry. The little girl is CLINGING to her brother like her life depends on it and he has this big sad look on his face. I am a mother of a toddler and I am trying SO hard not to get pissed at this woman. I am trying VERY had to stay calm and am quickly losing the battle.

Me: I apologize for the inconvenience. I will get you your fish.

DB: Damn right you will. And you can bet I'll never come to this shit-ass little store again.

I get her the fish she needs all the while she is mutter about me being a dumb bitch.

Me: Here you are. Have a nice evening.

DB: About damn time. Where the fuck is your manager? I'm gonna get your little bitch ass fired. I've never had worse service!

Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. Unfortunately, my manager is currently on lunch and will be back in about ten minutes. If you'd like to wait by the office, I will make sure he talks to you as soon as possible.

She rolls her eyes and storms out. By the point, my tongue is practically bleeding from all the biting I was doing. I wanted to punch her so bad and hug those little kids..! How can you send such little kids in a very busy store by themselves?! That's a good way to get them on a milk carton! And to throw such a hissy fit because you had to come in with YOUR kids to buy YOUR fish?! Way to be a roll model, you drunk, dumb, irritating, horrible bitch!!!

Needless to say, my manager heard about the story by the time he got back. He immediately came over to see what had happened, then laughed and said:

"Good. I don't want that bitch buying our stuff, anyways." Ah, how I love my managers!

I'm sure I'll have more stories... In fact I could probably pen out another one right now... But my blood is boiling just remembering this particular gem!

--FishBitch

Hell Spawn Attack At Walmart

From Hiedi on Retail Hell Underground:

Yesterday was my day off from work and I went to do some shopping at Walmart and...the enclosed photo is what I found in one of the aisles.

I went to the two poor retail slaves and said I am SO sorry you have to clean up after some jerk. The poor slave, who was pissed said it what I saw was the doing of a black lady's two  children.  They were being little turds, running up and down screaming and being brats and she just ignored them.  I told her I was so, so sorry that some people are unable to parent their kids.

--Hiedi

 

Four Insane Tales of Custy Craziness

Sent in from Chris on Retail Hell Underground:

I had not been working in Retail Hell very long, and mostly had only HEARD stories of the Almighty Crazy Custy... then I started to encounter this strange breed myself.

I will tell four stories of insanity, one story not actually witnessed by me (I was in the front of the store and this took place in the back) but by the rest of the store.

The store in all three of these stories is a female clothing store that has juniors in the front and left, with lingerie behind, with the dressing rooms behind that. The middle is dresses, then sales, then checkout. The right is plus, then shoes, then jewelry.

*                *                *                *

We have about 10 fitting rooms located in the back of the store, and are usually only about half full at any given time.

There are a group of about 5 Asian women (and I'm not racist, but everyone has heard the stereotype that Asians are supposed to be SMART) in the middle of the store, looking at Clearance Jeans.

They all approach me as a mob, and ask "Dressing room please, miss?"

I point at it (It has a HUGE sign over it, as well as "only 3 items at a time" around the doorway) and they walk over, each holding two armloads of jeans. I tell them that they can only bring three items in a time, and point at the sign.

They walk back over to the middle and I assume they are going to put some back and I go to help another customer.

A few minutes later, as I'm heading back to the fitting room to check on them, I walk past the middle, then stop dead.

The five Asian women are in the middle of the store, taking of their clothes and trying the clothing on right in the middle of the store, no the main aisle!

I pointed at the fitting room repeatedly and try to get them to put their clothing back on.

They all just keep nodding and smiling and saying "Yes, fitting, thank you miss! Jeans!"

I give up, noticing with a laugh that they are all changing directly in front of a security camera.

*                *                *                *

On a different day, a woman asks to go in the fitting room.

I outline the three-items rule and she puts two on the counter and takes the other three in, which is perfectly acceptable.

She storms out, nearly purple in the face. "Miss, miss! You must help me!"

I go in and she angrily goes up to the door and opens it.

"There's no lock!"

I calmly explain that the fitting rooms don't have locks here, for safety reasons.

She calms down slightly, thanks me, then goes to the next one.

I'm about to leave when, purple again, she shrieks, "There's no lock on this one either!"

I explain to her again that none of them have locks.

She does this for another four of the stalls...

*                *                *                *

A very obese woman comes in looking for tights.

I point her to the plus-size tights and wander off. I later see her at the juniors-size tights, looking at a neon yellow-green size small pair of tights covered in gaudy rhinestones.

We are not allowed to point out sizes (so they don't complain that we called them fat) so I say nothing.

She goes into the fitting room.

She comes out SCREECHING.

The pants are only fitting about halfway up her butt and then simply stopping because they've stretched so far left-to-right and back-to-front that there is simply no more material to go up.

Since they show half of her rear, it's also painfully obvious that she is NOT wearing underwear.

She yells at me about the size being wrong, ending with her screaming that "if I bent over right now, these would rip".

She then bent over, and yes they, ripped, exposing her nether regions to me.

I convince her to put a skirt on top quickly, pay for both, and usher her out of the store as quickly as possible.

I decided it was time for my lunch break.

Sitting in the Chinese place, she walked in, got food, sat down behind me, and held a full conversation WITH HERSELF about bra sizes.

*                *                *                *

This story I did not actually witness, but a is a story about friend of mine (a manager). 

The manager (a 7-month pregnant girl who also has a thyroid problem, which means her hormones are very much fired up) has already been working 6 hours with no break, except for 3 separate times throughout the day she had to vomit in the backroom.

Already agitated, sick, tired and frustrated, she didn't want to deal with a child, but had no choice as I was on "Front Cover Duty", meaning I was to stand in the front and attack ever customer with "Hello, welcome to *******, can I help you find anything today?"

A black woman and her daughter come into the store. Keep in mind two of the three store managers, both assistant managers, and half the employees are black.

I say my thing, they ask for the clearance, and I point them to it.

A few minutes later, my manager watches as the woman picks up a dress, puts it on the floor in the MIDDLE of the clearance, and put hers daughter down on it "for a nap", where an elderly woman with a walker almost falls over her and breaks her neck.

Manager: Ma'am, you can't let your child lay there?

Woman: Why the f**k not!?

Manager: One, she's in the way. Two, she's drooling all over our clothing.

Woman: That's MY dress! I'm buying it!

Manager: Have you paid for it yet?

Woman: NO!

Manager: Then it's not yours.

Woman: F**k you, get me the manager!

Manager: Ma'am, I AM the manager.

Woman: No you're not! I'm going to wait until after you are done, hide behind your car until you get there, then slash your throat!!

Manager: *loses all patience and sanity at her life being threatened" I'm calling security! Get your f**king kid off our f**king clothes and get the f**k out of my store, and don't you come back!

Woman: I'm not leaving you dumb c**t! I'm going to kill you! I'm GOING TO F**KING KILL YOU!

Manager: GET THE F**K OUT OF MY STORE, YOU BALD-HEADED AFRICAN! *throws shoe at woman*

Manager was sent home early, no warnings, while the woman was taken to security.

I still wonder how it ended.

--Chris

   

Bookstore Hell: Out of Control Custys

From a Bookstore Slave:

So, I've been lurking for months and after last night, I figured I had to share this with everyone.

This little tale happened last night- yes, Saturday night.

I work in a bookstore, and basically do whatever needs to be done- shelving, sorting, pulling, register, cafe. You need it done? I can probably do it. It's a job- I've been there too long to really care anymore.

But this little gem last night???  Oh boy!!! 

Now, for the past couple months, we've had this group that comes in a couple times a week to gather in the cafe, hogs up a couple of tables for anywhere between 4-8 hours. Kid you not.

And usually, we don't mind. But lately, we've been getting complaints- they're too loud, they've taken up all the "good" tables, they scare away customers who just want a place to sit and read, and I've busted them more then once for bringing outside food in (can't do that. Violates our local health code- and I am more then happy to rat you out to my managers). And occasionally, they bring along their children. Which is fine- if you watch after them.

So I'm in the middle of my shift, going about my business of shutting down the cafe, when I notice that one of the mothers in the group pulls her daughter aside to "discipline" her. After several harsh words, the little girl's face scrunches up and she runs into the nearby bathroom, sobbing.

And that bathroom? Is literally right next to my cafe.

For the next ten minutes, I get to deal with customers AND employee's who are concerned for this little girl, b/c she's thrown herself down IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATHROOM FLOOR, and crying like all get-out.

Never once did mommy dearest get up to check on her little girl, or even look up to scan the store to see where she was. Mommy just kept laughing and chatting with her friends at the nearby table while*I* got to field questions and concerns.

I HAVE NEVER HAD A STRONGER URGE TO GO OVER AND SMACK "MOMMY". EVER.

That's not even the best part.

So, little girl finally ventures out of the bathroom, all clear-eyed and like nothing ever happened. She re-joins mommy in the cafe, but is so bored she wanders off.

Over to my cafe.

After staring at the pastry case for a few moments, she sidles up to the counter, looks me straight in the eyes and asks, "Are there any favors I can do in exchange for money?"

"No, sorry." I tell her gently.

Inside, I was really thinking: WTF!!?!? Please, tell me you're KIDDING!?!!!!

Her face gets all sad, she turns away and wanders into the store. And I disappear into the back and the cafe and get on the headset with my cafe supervisor, informing her about what just happened. Needless to say, she was just as shocked and horrified as I was.

*                    *                    *                    *

My first winter at the store, I got a glimpse at how people really are to one another in public.

The store was in the middle of the first Christmas rush I'd ever worked- and we were SWAMPED. We had two ladies who came in, telling one of the cashiers that we had put a book on hold for them. Five seconds later, the cashier can't find the book.

The ladies literally? Go postal.

They get so hostile and rude in fact, that the poor cashier calls up a manager to explain the situation. The manager tries to find the book (which we never had in store to begin with), and pulling out any other book related, in the hopes that these ladies might find something as a suitable substitute.

And all these two ladies are doing are bitching about how they called, we swore we had the book and put it on hold, that we're going to destroy so-and-so's X-mas, etc, etc, etc.

Yes, b/c the world will end if they don't get THAT ONE BOOK!!!!

Then the store manager gets involved in the hunt for this book that we supposedly have. This goes on for about a half hour, these ladies never once shutting up.

Then, one of the booksellers suggests that perhaps they put it on hold at the store down the street? Lo and behold, it was so.

These two ladies didn't even apologize- they just swept out the door without so much as a backwards glance or word of apology to the poor cashier they abused, or the three hard-working employee's that tried to help them.

Wow. Jack-asses.

This also happened the very same winter: mother buys her child a hot cocoa and they wander off. Ten minutes I get a call over the headset: could I meet so-and-so in the kids department with towels?

I get there, to find out that the little brat dumped it all over an endcap, thus destroying several dollars worth of books and merchandise. And they? Just walked away.

No sorry, no nothing. In fact, they turned around and  marched back to cafe, demanding another drink for free b/c the little brat spilled it.

And I?

Got to damage out several hundred dollars worth of destroyed childrens books and merchandise.

Merry fucking Christmas, indeed.

  

Retail Hell Spawn Gets Told

Here's a great Hell Spawn Story from RHU blogger Joe Flynn in Burtonsville, Maryland:

Observed in a local (Washington, D.C.) restaurant:

The place was sparsely populated. Only three tables out of twenty-five were occupied. At the front of the place was a party of four: a couple of 30-somethings and a couple of 60-somethings. They're talking, talking, talking and having a good time.

But wait...they're actually a party of five. The fifth member of their group was a boy about five years old. And he is very methodically going from table to table, unscrewing the tops of the salt and pepper shakers, and dumping the contents on the tabletops.

When one of the female servers tried to stop him, he yelled, "You're not my mommy!"

He then ran into the bar area. When he came back into the dining room, he started chanting, "I wanna go home, I wanna go home, I wanna go HOME!"

And the whole time, neither Mom, Dad, Grandpa nor Grandma even looked in his direction.

They didn't take any notice when he plowed into a server carrying a full tray of food. When he walked up to my table and announced, "You're UGLY!"

I'd had enough. I took him by the shirt and frog-marched him up to his family's table. 

"Does THIS belong to you?  If it does, you better get him away from me, 'cause I'm this close to kicking his ASS!"

All four of them looked at me like I was from Mars.

I pointed out the damage he'd done. They all continued to stare at me.

Then Mom reached into her purse and brought out a candy bar. "Here Michael, come sit by Mommy."

No apology, no discipline, nothing.

Little Michael got a REWARD!

I thought to myself, "Start saving up the bail money; you're gonna NEED it!"

The Answer To Retail Hell Children?

He actually looks quite comfortable. Notice how he isn't screaming or destroying things....

These also work great, for Customers AND Retail Slaves alike:

Retail Hell Devil's Spawn

Look closely....white Nike sneakers...Is this one resting or waiting to attack? In Retail Hell it is wise to look closely when you walk down an aisle - Devil's Spawn are often hidden from view until it's too late ....