Retail Hell The Book

Piggy Shoppers Enjoy Light Refreshments and Heavy Reading

Custy Rejects Flip Flop

From Bloody Register Slave: You know, this picture leaves me with a lot of questions, but first and foremost is: "Where is the *other* one?"

 

Badass Retail Slave Story and Pic: Neglectful Dad Let's Hellspawn Brat Pillage Gas Station Store

From Tanya onn Retail Hell Underground:

Hey again, it's Tanya, infrequent contributor.

After spending a year in Florida unable to find a job, I had to move back to New York. And I actually managed to get a job, back at the gas station I worked at in high school. It's not glamorous or anything, but it's a pretty good paycheck, which is always a plus.

Now if only the customers (and coworkers! but that's a story for another day) would behave. But hey, if life was perfect, I wouldn't be able to participate in RHU storytime. So, time to dish the dirt!

First Custy is Mr. Smellman. Named such because he's a man, and he smells really, really awful. Now, I live in a fairly "hick" part of New York, so people smelling like farm and deer urine, especially in the fall, isn't weird. This guy just doesn't shower.

And rather than politely stand on the other side of the counter, where there's a two food barrier between me and him, he instead opts to lean alllll the way over the counter, and sigh as he contemplates which cigarettes his poor self can afford. The first time I had to wait on him, I just about gagged. The second time he came in, I fled into the milk cooler to try and avoid him (felt sorry for my co-worker, though, and bought her a soda after he left).

He's perfectly polite, at least, which is more than I can say for... 

Child Neglect Man.

This guy is a long time regular, and NO ONE likes dealing with him. He owns a small business nearby, and because of it thinks that he owns the world. I could write pages upon pages about the shit this man has done in our store, but I'll just do the most recent.

He came in with his son, to get an ice cream for the brat. Well, his phone rings. Rather than keep an eye on his stupid brat (or keep the little shit in the car), he stands with his back to the kid and talks on the phone. I had been doing some stock, and I come back to the register to see the pic above.

THE KID HAD CLIMBED OUR SHELVES. And was just SITTING UP THERE. Those shelves are NOT meant to be climbed, or hold a person up. Hell, they kind of dangerously lean when I put stock on them.

Child Neglect Man finally hangs up his phone and gets his kid down... only for his phone to ring AGAIN. This time, the little brat yanked a piece of jerky (our most expensive jerky, of course) off the display and started eating it. 

Finally, the guy gets off his phone, rounds up his kid (who had been running all over the store), and brings his stuff to the counter. This man doesn't pay attention to what we charge him, lucky me, so I didn't have to point out that his stupid hellspawn ate a piece of jerky.

Of course, he pays by check (something the boss isn't super fond of with anyone, because we get ripped off by bad checks so often)... A HUNDRED AND TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS. For a purchase of NINE DOLLARS.

I'd been cashing checks since I got there, and breaking large bills. I was LIVID. Then his little brat ran down and turned off our store lights. I literally yanked the money out of there, slammed the register, marched around and put it in his hand, and said (quite coldly) "Here's your change." I wanted to add "Get the hell out of my store" but that's bad business, and all.

Then he got ANOTHER PHONE CALL. This time the kid yanked open one of our "yard of gum" candies and ran off with it. There's been more than one case where the guy has just obliviously left without paying for shit his kids (yeah, he has more than one, and they're ALL THIS BAD) take/ruin, but this time he noticed and paid... with a hundred dollar bill.

Goodbye, most of my register. I was so pissed.

Thanks for lettin' me rant again!

Love and Lysol,

--Tanya

 

Barista Watches Crazy Piggy Custy Make A Huge Mess At The Condiment Bar

Greetings, fellow slaves! It's your Misanthropic Barista again.

Things have been quite hectic for me both at home and at work, so I haven't had the time or energy to type up and submit the many tales and rants I have ricocheting around my poor, bitter, custy-hating little brain. But I just had to share this mess with you. It's special because it isn't the result of a steady stream of running-late-for-work piggies (the typical cause of such a copious pile). Nope, this is the work of a lone assassin.

It was actually a pretty slow day in my Slavebux kiosk. My dishes and restocking were all caught up, and everything was spotless until this apparent crackhead came in.

I say apparent crackhead because she was itchy, twitchy, fast-talking, and generally all over the place both literally and figuratively. It took her two or three minutes to pay for her small plain coffee because she had to dig through multiple pockets, a coin purse, and several wallet compartments to come up with the $1.50 she needed.

And she kept pausing her quest for coinage to do obviously urgent things like smooth out crumpled receipts, bend down to make sure her shoes were tied, and scrutinize random items such as loose buttons that emerged from her pockets along with her change.

In my general experience, people who act like this are either under the influence of a central nervous system stimulant such as crack or meth, or else suffer from a central nervous system disorder. And if you knew the neighborhood in question, you'd see why I immediately assumed the former.

Anyhow,  after CrackPosterChild finally succeeded in paying -- and organizing her receipts, buttons, and pocket lint to her seemingly exacting standards -- she then scuttled around the corner to the condiment bar and spent a good five minutes doing spaghetti monster knows what to her small coffee.

From inside my kiosk, my view was limited to the top of her head, so all I could see was that head bobbing up and down and side to side as she grabbed what later proved to be multiple straws, stir sticks, and sweetener packets, and presumably re-tasted and re-doctored her coffee until it suited her refined crackmonster palate.

The whole time I was burning with curiosity as to just what in holy hell she was doing, but I had other customers to serve (none of whom needed to use the condiment bar, oddly). By the time I was free, she had scuttled out of the store, leaving a piggy travesty behind.

Please note that there is a napkin dispenser on that same counter less than a foot from where CrackALicious was standing, as well as not one but TWO trash cans, one to the right and one to the left, both quite visible, and both within arms' reach.

I was quite literally rendered speechless when I saw the mess, and if you knew me in person you'd know that rarely am I speechless.

Well, I think I've said more than enough about this pigfest. Someday I'll actually get around to submitting some of my better stories -- I've got plenty after five years in this particular outpost of Retail Hell. But today is not someday, and my poor, hateful little brain is utterly spent.

Until next time, my comrades in slave-i-tude, nolite bastardes carborundorum!

-- Misanthropic Barista

New Target Commercial Encourages Piggy Shopping

 

You know the custys won't be cleaning up that party.

 

Customer Reject: Lays Chips Get Pulverized

Surprising they weren't opened and eaten while digging for DVDs. From Todd.

Custy Rejects Chicken Guts

From Future Ex Slave: Found at Safe way in WY. Guess we all can agree soda is more awesome than rotting-on-the-shelf gizzards.

Boobage Rejected

New shoes trump falsies!

Spotted by Vanessa at a Wal-Mart in Toronto, Ontario.

Saturday Sale Hell At Old Slavery

HOLY BALLS.

HOLY.

BALLS.

What the fuck, I dont even....

It's a doosey, ladies and gents.

Old Slavery has these mega sales called One Day Wonders. No doubt you've heard of them. They're always on Saturdays and they feature one item for one day at a ridiculous price, usually with a limit per customer.

Today's was $6 Polo shirts. We also had $2 flip flops, and all bottoms in clearance were $6.

I did not understand the word madhouse until today.

I was working the fitting room and I couldn't keep up with the mess. People were bringing in fucktons of clothes (most fitting rooms have limits! Ours is ten!!!), taking forever, and then not buying ANY OF IT, leaving it all over the floor, in my bins, freaking EVERYWHERE. SO MUCH.

The picture is from around 4pm? Yeah. Fucking holy balls.

Also, I'm sick. Again. Goddamn dustmite allergy.

So yeah, tiring day. To top it all off, even after the customers left, my processing bin kept mysteriously filling. Dumbfuck Mcgee keeps coming up and putting huge lods of mens pants into my bin.

Me: "Whatcha doin?"

DFM: "Oh just cleaning mens clearance. I'll be back for it."
*she comes back with more armfuls*

Me: "You know you have to process that right?"

DFM: "Yep" *she proceeds to meander around the store*

Rawr.

AND NOW, PARENT OF THE YEAR AWARDS!!

First prize goes to the woman who let her infant crawl around on our dirty clearance floor and play with sharp plastic hangers. I had to take them away from him so he wouldn't put them in his mouth.

Honorable mention goes to the woman too lazy to find an employee to climb a ladder for her and too lazy to do it herself, so she sent her 7 year old up the ladder. "Go get mommy some flip flops." NONONONO, FUCKING STOP.

Yep. Sleep needed. Sleep forever.

<3

--T-Shirt Sponge

Passover Piggy Leaves Gross Gift

A Piggy Shopper collecting Kosher foods for Passover decided to reject a few items in the produce department. Unfortunately, they decided to also reject the sticky contents of their mouth...

...on to a box of Manischewitz Potato Roasters (thrown behind the green bottles of Aloe juice) Ewwwwwwwwww....