Retail Hell The Book

This Will Make You Angry: Teenagers Think It's Funny To Trash Stores and Film

 

From Cosmetics Hellhound: Don't you just want to beat them until they are black and blue in the face? Or curse them so that they have to work the rest of their lives in retail? Where are their parents!! Or where WERE they when these two were being raised? Ugh.

Abercrobie & Fitch Promotes Singapore Store With Topless Greeters

Abercrombie & Fitch is opening a store in Singapore on December 15th and what better way to get free publicity than to hire a wall of buff shirtless men in sweat pants and flip flops as greeters! Mayehm enswed (at least for a few gawking Singapore girls and tourists passing by on the sidewalk) Will the shirtless Aberzombie models be headed to the US next?

 

The Aberzombie Ab Army. You will do as they say.

 

Audition line for the Abercrombie Fucks Fitch porno?

 

My gay brother will love this!

 
Birdwatching at it's best!

 

A moment of adults having fun = a lifetime of therapy.

 

Thanks, but no we aren't into three-ways.

 

 

Yeah, well if you don't come up with the 50 bucks for the photos your gonna wish you weren't such a fat ass. And no we don't take credit cards, bitch.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Black Friday Sales Up 7 Percent Over 2010 - Corporations Ignore Employee Pleading For Different Hours and Shoppers Support It

The Custys have spoken and as usual greed wins out over compassion for people. Shoppers are like a herd of cattle and they will follow whatever the store corporations set up. And now that there is a 7% increase after making everyone work on Thanksgiving, you can bet your burnt turkey ass everyone will be open next year, and most likely all day.

You overworked retail slaves don't need Thanksgiving, you can eat your bird at 8 am then go to work, you can work all night when you're not used to it and crash your car into a canal, that's your job. You signed up for it. We are the customers and we want to shop after our big, leisure, enjoyable Thanksgiving dinners. Now ring us up and don't forget my 20% Black Friday coupon!

It's the continuing deterioration of a beloved holiday for many. Since the corporations have already conquered opening stores and making their employees work horribly long hours on thanksgiving, I think turkey day should just be named Black Thanksgiving, because it has now become a dark, exhausting day for thousands in a America. Happy Black Thanksgiving!

Info from Huff Po:

The holiday shopping season got off to a strong start on Black Friday, with retail sales up 7 percent over last year, according to the most recent survey. Now stores just have to keep buyers coming back without the promise of door-buster savings.

Buyers spent $11.4 billion at retail stores and malls, up nearly $1 billion from last year, according to a Saturday report from ShopperTrak. It was the largest amount ever spent on the day that marks the beginning of the holiday shopping season, and the biggest year-over-year increase since 2007. Chicago-based ShopperTrak gathers data from 25,000 outlets across the U.S., including individual stores and shopping centers.

The Mall of America in Bloomington, Minn. broke its Black Friday record for shoppers, thanks to a decision to open at midnight for the first time. Around 210,000 visitors came to the mall on Friday, up from 200,000 last year, according to mall spokeswoman Bridget Jewell.

Online shopping was strong as well, with a 24.3 percent increase in online spending on Black Friday, according to IBM, which tracks sales at 500 online retailers.

Bill Martin, who founded ShopperTrak, said he was surprised by the strong showing. He had expected the weak economy to dent consumer confidence and keep more shoppers out of the stores, or at least from spending much. Instead, he said, they responded to a blanket of promotions, from 60- and 70-percent off deals to door-buster savings on electronics.

"I'm pleased to see it. You can't have a great season without having a good Black Friday," Martin told The Associated Press in an interview.

Sales were also up 4 percent each in the two weeks leading up to Black Friday, as retailers started their promotions earlier than usual or extended their hours.

Still, he suspects things will quiet down this weekend, as promotions end and the buying frenzy subsides. ShopperTrak is expecting holiday sales to be up 3.3 percent this season. Retailers generally rely on sales between Thanksgiving and Christmas to make up 20 percent of their annual take.

There weren't many shoppers at Pioneer Place Mall in Portland, Ore., on Saturday.

via www.huffingtonpost.com

An Open Email To Moby in the Morning Show Host About His Rant Directed at People Who Work In The Service Industry

From The Raised Elbow on Retail Hell Underground:

Hello, RHU!

Today I share something with you that I would like to send to morning radio show host Moby (of Moby in the Morning on WNGC 106 in Georgia.) 

While I was at work this morning, I heard Moby complaining about the Occupy Wall Street people and their movement to Stop Black Friday. Now, I will admit I'm not completely sure what Occupy Wallstreet's anti-Black Friday movement is about. Things like that make my head hurt. They, from my understanding, want to push more people into buying gifts from small businesses instead of the bigger ones in order to curb the hype of Black Friday. This is my understanding of it.

Now, I don't know my stance on the subject, but Moby's view is that the "Stop Black Friday" movement is ridiculous and useless and that they should just shut up and deal with it.

Well. This is where my letter begins.

Dear Moby,

When you are looking for a gift for your child or wife or any member of your family, what do you see across the counter when your purchase is being rung up? Do you see a living, breathing human being or do you see a robot with a pair of hands working the register? When the store associate spends an hour helping you find something, being polite and enthusiastic and oh so helpful the entire time, do you think of them as a person or as an extension of the store that's required to help you because you are the customer, you have demands that need to be met and you are always right?

I can almost garauntee that a lot of the people in this country not working in customer service don't even consider the people behind the counter. All they see when christmas decorations start going up is the possibility of getting the best item for the least amount of money. They don't consider the damage that's done to the stores they visit nor do they consider the feelings of the cashier or associate they're screaming at because they couldn't get the item they came for. They, like you it seems, don't consider that the people not rushing for the items, the ones that are in fact helping you find the item or ringing you up have families of their own that they would love to spend time with. But, because customers like you demand stores to be open at ungodly hours of the morning on friday and now even bleeding into thanksgiving, they have to cut their time short for demanding, selfish, destructive people that only care about buying items that they believe won't exist past that one day.

Do you realize that holidays like Thanksgiving and Halloween are being cut drastically short and are on the verge of being ignored because Christmas decorations go up in some stores by september? Do you even care about the people that get hurt in the crowds rushing into stores and trampling each other over a five dollar toy? What about the thousands of hours that go into planning and setting up the displays and sales and the countless hours spent cleaning up after the hoards of customers have gone? How is it fair that the store workers are forced to cut their time with their own families short because they have to be at work an hour or two before the store opens at four in the morning because YOU want some twenty dollar game?

I thought Christmas was supposed to be the time for families, kindness towards your fellow man, peace and warm fuzzy feelings. To me, and probably many others in the customer service sector, the Christmas season is a time to be looked upon with dread because people are demanding, pushy, rude and inconsiderate. Your lack of acknowledgement of the retail work force shows the mentality that many people in this country have. To you, we don't exist. We sleep in the store, we have no lives, we have no families. We are a name tag to you.

This is the seaon for consideration. So where is that when crowds are rushing the stores demanding items that honestly could last another few days if people were kind enough to wait and be understanding.

Sincerly,

--The Raised Eyebrow

Why So Many Avoid Black Friday At Walmart

 

 

Black Friday Time Opening Wars: Retailers Ruining Thanksgiving For Thousands

By Retail Hell Underground blogger Kerry Daley:

I worked in retail department store for six years. A little longer if we add up the random months I worked for a local pizza shop and tent/party company. I started as a cashier for a year at this particular retailer, then moved to the sales floor when I couldn't deal with the rude, demanding, and inconsiderate customers complaining and yelling at me for things I have absolutely no control over, like company policies or how the computer system works. Not that customers on the floor were much better.

But I digress.

As the holiday season quickly approaches, poor retail workers are forced into the chaotic mayhem of early morning doorbuster sales on the day after Thanksgiving, the dreaded Black Friday. My first year working Black Friday, the company I worked for opened at 5 a.m., requiring employees to arrive at 4:30 a.m. The second year and every year following since I left the company, the opening time changed to 4 a.m., requiring employees to now arrive an hour earlier than the year prior, at 3:30 a.m. instead. Even at this ridiculous hour, customers were still lined up at the front door, in the dark, inching closer to the glass every minute to be the first ones inside and grab their must-have items while the rest of America was sleeping soundlessly and peacefully, without a care to actually be awake. Seriously, roosters aren't even crowing yet.

Being given a 4 a.m. shift on Black Friday almost always lasted 9 hours and often more, also cutting into my holiday time with my family on Thanksgiving. If I had to arrive at 3:30 a.m. and work until 1 p.m. or later, I definitely needed to sleep and rest for the anarchy that would ensue for the entirety of my shift. Which meant that to gain a full 8 hours of sleep to rest up and prepare to rise at 3 a.m. to arrive at 3:30, I would need to fall asleep by 7 p.m., slashing time with my family after Thanksgiving dinner, even missing the night football games that we all watch together. It never worked that way, as I could never actually fall asleep when I needed to, with all the holiday fun occurring downstairs. After a couple years of this insanity, I refused to work anything but a closing shift, when everything had calmed down and departments were easier to clean and organize, also allowing me a normal sleeping pattern and holiday time with my family.

Last year in 2010 is when Black Friday began to creep into Thursday, when stores like Walmart, Old Navy, and GameStop opened its doors at midnight, just as Thanksgiving Day ended. Sears stores were even open Thanksgiving Day, from 7 a.m. to noon.

"David," a former Sears Hardware employee in New York, recalled the Thanksgiving Day opening. "We had no customers at all. I was wondering why a hardware store would be open on Thanksgiving."

This year, Macy's also decided to take the midnight plunge. However, Macy's isn't the only store opening its doors to shoppers at midnight on Black Friday. It seems their decision has caused an avalanche of followers. Other major stores have decided to ruin Thanksgiving for thousands of their employees as well. 

Lowe's, Gap, Target, Kohl's, and Best Buy have also joined in the midnight Black Friday madness, competing with Macy's to coax shoppers into their stores instead, four hours earlier than last year for Target and Kohl's, and the earliest in Kohl's history. Kohl's will also be open for a full 24 hours - from midnight Black Friday to midnight Saturday morning.

And even crazier still, while Walmart opened its doors at midnight last year, they announced that instead they will open at 10 p.m. on Thanksgiving night - two hours earlier. And just when we thought the time opening wars would end, Toys "R" Us turned a competitive streak into absurdity when they announced their opening time at 9 p.m. Thanksgiving night. 

CVS Pharmacies will also be open on Thanksgiving Day, and store times vary by location.

A completely ridiculous display of retail worker injustice decided by Michael's stores shows an ad announcing 6 a.m. Black Friday opening time - and a Thanksgiving Day opening of 4 p.m. EST. Ad here.

Sears stores claims they will not open on Thanksgiving night to allow their employees to spend the holiday with family, yet they open at 4 a.m. Black Friday, and their subsidiary, K-Mart still opens at midnight, giving employees little time with family as they must attempt to sleep early in the day to rise in the middle of the night for holiday doorbuster sales.

An employee of Target in Omaha, Nebraska, Anthony Hardwick, 29, has started a petition online at Change.org, asking citizens to join him in urging Target retail stores to open instead at 5 a.m. on Black Friday. Hardwick has stated that he must hit the sack at 2 or 3 in the afternoon to prepare for a midnight Black Friday opening - completely missing his family Thanksgiving festivities. The petition has circulated all over the internet, and has been covered by many news stations. At the time of this article, the petition had already reached 107,167 signatures - nearly 20,000 gained overnight from Tuesday, November 15, to Wednesday, November 16 - Tell Target To Save Thanksgiving.

Hardwick's petition has sparked another retail employee to begin his own campaign against his company's Black Friday Time Opening War - Best Buy. He also asks Best Buy to open their stores at 5 a.m. Black Friday, instead of midnight. Push Back the Opening of Best Buy Retail Stores on Black Friday to 5am

Of course midnight for Black Friday is late Thanksgiving Day. Most stores require their employees to arrive at the store at least 30 minutes, some even a full hour, before opening to prepare the store and themselves for the rush. The shopping public couldn't care less about that - their Thanksgivings will be awesome! They'll get to stay at home with their families and finish their holidays meals while thousands of retail slaves will be forced to sleep through it to avoid staying awake for 24 hours or longer - just to prepare for their Thanksgiving night to Black Friday morning work shift, which often is much longer than 8 hours.

Thanksgiving, the day of thanks, to remember all we are grateful for and blessed with in our lives. Shall we be thanking retailers instead? Thank you so much greedy corporate retailers! Thanks so much for ruining Thanksgiving for thousands of people who work in retail!

What is happening with the desperation of these stores? Where will this trend lead? Every year stores have been opening earlier following moves by competitors. Have we reached a Black Friday opening ceiling? Or is this the beginning of chipping away at what's left of Thanksgiving? Chipping away at what's left of a holiday that has been virtually stolen from people who work in retail because of corporate greed and desperation to out-manuever each other and get sales as fast as possible. Every year their Time Opening becomes earlier and earlier, just to beat the sales of the next retailer.

Why not just be open all day Thanksgiving? More store hours open equals more customers and more store profit, right? Who cares about all these poor workers who will completely miss this holiday at home with their families, enjoying a delicious, carefully crafted Thanksgiving meal of turkey, gravy, stuffing, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce, casseroles, cornbread, and pie... oh, the pies!

It seems corporate staff have completely forgotten what Thanksgiving is really about, and care only about sales and profits. Money, money, money. But for thousands of retail employees, many would prefer to sacrifice holiday pay to be able to spend that time at home, sharing family moments of togetherness and thanks, remembering their blessings and all they are grateful for. 

"It's not worth it," says an employee of Macy's who asked to remain anonymous. "I'd rather be home with my kids than working Thanksgiving night or sleeping through our family dinner."

L., a Toys "R" Us employee, agrees. "I am grateful to have a job in this economy, but stores have gone too far. Why can't we be home with our families on Thanksgiving instead of working it? Isn't this supposed to be our time?"

R., a parent of a teenage retail worker adds, "I have a son who works in retail and has to be at his store at 11 at night. We shouldn't have to fight with these companies to have our children home to spend time with family on major holidays."

Is this the end of retail holiday pandemonium? Or will Christmas be next?

--Kerry

 

Fed Up Retail Slave Writes Brutally Honest Letter To Corporate America

From Monster Blogger NC Tony on Retail Hell Underground: While I am still working on the Slaves Wish List 2011, I've also been working on this. A letter I'm sure a lot of you wish you could fire off to the corporate headquarters of your shitty job.

* * * * * *

To: The Corporate Fat Cats of Mega-Mart

From: Disgruntled Faceless Employee #51248

Dear Assholes,

I'm not sure you realize this, but we lowly peons that you barely pay are pissed off. If you've been on the Internet for more than five minutes (and other than to check your stock portfolios), you're aware that there are websites where we (anonymously) call you out for your stupid policies. Stop lighting your cigars with $100 bills and listen up. We are pissed off, and we're going to call you out.

Below are your idiotic policies, and why they are idiotic.

First of all, our pay sucks. This should be obvious. You make millions of dollars to sit on your rapidly expanding asses all day, while we bust our asses, usually standing for eight to ten hours a day for chump change. This may come as a shock to you, but $8 an hour doesn't even begin to cover our expenses such as: rent, bills, car payments (including gas to get to our shitty jobs), kids, food, clothing, school (those of us who are college students) and the high cost of damn near everything. What we make in a year, you make in a day. Frankly it isn't fucking fair.

The customer is always right. If I hear this again, I swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, I'll scream. Let's get one thing straight right now. As the website says The Customer is Not Always Right. This outdated bullshit has led to shortages and pretty much giving away money. For every nice customer, we get the people who live only to torment us, defraud the company, and berate us. Try coming down out of your ivory tower and working in the store you've probably never even seen the inside of. You wouldn't last one fucking day. Sure, you could probably let the first few nasty comments roll off your back, but after the 50th person calls you a "stupid asshole" (or a "stupid cunt" if you're female), or any other insult, you're not wishing for them to have a nice day, you're wishing for them to get hit by a truck on their way home. Yet we have to smile and try to keep these assholes as customers.

Every time we hear "I'm never shopping here again!" we hope they'll keep their promise. I've read the company newsletter. I know we made 20 billion dollars last year. Loosing one dishonest customer in one city (that has 20 stores), in one store (out of the hundreds spread across the country) will not affect your bottom line, or the raises you give yourselves every year.

There's customer service, and then there's taking abuse. When the customer is abusing us, they are NEVER right. Ever. And if a customer ever hits me, then I'll officially quit my job before returning the favor. There is a fine line between customer service and a creepy stalker. I don't mind smiling and saying hi when a customer comes in. Asking them once if they need help should be enough. If they really need help, they'll track us down and we'll help them to the best of our abilities.

As a customer, I don't need someone constantly asking me if I need help every ten seconds. Don't make me do it to our customers. Nor do I want to have store credit cards pushed on me. I can barely keep my bank account in triple digits with what you pay me, and the same probably goes for our customers. They either already have, don't want/need, or don't give half a fuck about our store credit card. Stop setting ridiculous goals for us to meet. I've asked 100 people if they wanted the card. 25 already had it, the other 75 told me no, and got mad when I kept trying (read: being forced) to push it on them. Several threatened my physical well being. Let the manager yell at me, I stopped asking after that.

Speaking of the managers. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU FIND THESE GUYS? I understand getting written up if we've done something horribly wrong, but the managers are on power trips. I and several of my co-workers have been written up for stupid shit (clocking back in from break one minute late... because everyone else was clocking in from break at the same time!) or things that are simply beyond our control (we were sold out of something and were written up because we had to tell the customer "No, we don't have anymore of that item").

Again, come down out of your ivory towers and work the sales floor. You'd be amazed at how stupid your policies are. Customers coming up to us and demanding to know where something is, instead of asking nicely. I can't count how many times a day people come up to me and just bark "Towels", "Rugs", "Coffee". What does that mean? Do we carry them? Where are they? What colors do we carry? What brands? WHAT IS THE QUESTION? We're not mind readers, something else the customers expect. And the managers get mad at us when we can't satisfy the customers who are never fucking happy anyway. It gets even worse when they throw us under the bus.

I'm so glad you force us to consent to something short of a full-body cavity search before we leave the store, while our customers steal hundreds of dollars worth of merchandise a month. Sometimes they do it right in front of our face in the way of bullshit returns.

Due to your "hassle free returns" people have defrauded the company by bringing in stuff they bought five years ago, at another (as in a competitors) store, with no receipt, no proof of any kind that they purchased the item, and when I can't verify or process the return they demand a manager who goes against company policy and forces me to do the return anyway (the aforementioned throwing us under the bus), usually ending up with the customer getting a refund (or free money since they probably didn't buy the item in the first place).

It gets even worse since we can't apprehend the customer, even when we see them stealing shit. So I've decided if you can't fight 'em, join 'em. I've had my friends come in and steal shit, return stolen (or old items) and we've split the merchandise and money... or have I? Something to think about. I have to do something to combat the shitty wages you pay me.

Getting back to our shitty managers. I have told these people fifty fucking times what my availability was, and still get scheduled for times when I am not available. Now I have to scramble to find someone to cover my shift, and I know of maybe three people that I can trust to switch with... except they're working the same shift. Speaking of which, let me shift gears to my fucking asshole co-workers. If I need a shift covered, they can't do it, for no other reason then they just don't want to work. But if they need a shift covered, they expect me to take their shift without question. Just because they do it to me, I always tell them I have something to do (even if that something is sitting around all day playing video games). And I want to know why I, who have been working here for five years gets less hours than some worthless waste of space who just got hired yesterday. There are people in this store who do NOTHING all day long, come in late, leave early and never get reprimanded for it. If I stop working for a minute to stretch my legs, go to the bathroom, sneeze, blink my eyes without permission, I get threatened with a bullshit write up (see above) when I've done more work in the last hour than the shiftless sack of shit has done all day. These are the same people who don't come in to work, not because they're sick, but because they went out drinking last night and are hung over. Meanwhile I'm on death's door, and I'm forced to come in. Last time the manager forced me to come in when I was sick, I coughed in his face and gave him my cold. I've also stopped answering my phone on my days off. If I'm not scheduled to be at work, I won't go to work. I avoid shopping at the store on my days off, just so I don't get roped into working. If the worthless employees can't come in because they're hung over, guess what? Not my problem. I'm pretty sure the managers are fucking the worthless employees. Unlike the way you're fucking us.

Speaking of not working. Why in the name of Arkvoodle of the Sacred Crotch are we open on Thanksgiving and Christmas? If it's really that important for the store to be open, then YOU come in on those days and I'll spend time with my family. You can also work Black Friday. I'm gonna stay at home. You deal with the five hundred assholes who want the new game system/video game, smart phone, iPad, whatever when you only have ten in stock. You get trampled to death when the ten thousand people lined up outside stampede in when the doors open at five am.

So in summary: We get paid shit, while you get paid tons of money to do nothing except make up stupid policies that make our jobs harder. The customers are allowed to verbally (and sometimes physically) abuse us, and we just have to grin and bear it (because they might never "shop here again", I still fail to see the downside of this). Your expectations of how many store credit cards we're expected to sell are ridiculous (and just plain stupid). The customers defraud us with bogus returns and get discounts they're not entitled to, or free money (there goes my 25 cent raise), or just outright steal stuff, knowing we can't do anything. The managers are all on power trips, writing up the hardworking employees and letting the slackers get away with doing fuck-all. The slacker co-workers won't help someone out who needs time off (I had to beg, plead and threaten to get time off when my grandmother died), but when they don't want to work expect someone else to take their shift without question. We're open on holidays while you jet off the South of France, and I have to hope I have enough time to eat dinner with my family and play with my kids on Christmas Day.

I really hope this e-mail opened your eyes. Because while you've been reading this, I used my computer degree to hack into your bank account and clean you out.

Sincerely,

Disgruntled Faceless Employee #51248

P.S: Don't even get me started on the problems with kids.

--NC Tony

 

 

 

How To Escape a Haunted House Alive: 5 Things You Should Never Do

From Crane on Retail Hell Underground:

This year I was enlisted to work for a local theme park's haunted house. The park has several 'houses', both indoors and outdoors. It's a fun environment for employees and guests, but things can get a little out of hand sometimes. Because working in a haunted house can be just as aggravating as a retail environment, I've compiled a list of things NOT to do when you're a guest walking through a haunted house.

1 - DO. NOT. TOUCH. EVER.

It's posted on signs. It's told to you as you walk in. In the scare zones/mazes with speaker systems, it's announced. Do not EVER touch a scarer for ANY reason. This is for your safety, the safety of the scarer, and the liability of the park. Number One Rule, people.
I've had people touch me to see if I'm real, or to reassure themselves after I scare them, or to pat me on the back for doing a good job. No matter your good intentions, I will still scream "DON'T TOUCH!!!!" in your face. No matter how offended you are, I will still stare you in the eyes until you LEAVE.
Deep down inside, I do appreciate the gesture. But some people have touched me inappropriately, or grabbed me and refused to let go, or worst of all, punched me after a scare. And I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE ABOUT TO DO when you get inside my personal space and put your hand on me. So we're both WAY better off if you just DON'T TOUCH.

2 - Do not be an Asshole.

If you have done one or more of the following in a haunted house, you qualify as an ASSHOLE:

~ I try to scare you and it doesn't work. You respond by getting up in my face and intimidating me, fake-screaming at me, or criticizing me/my costume/my failed scare.

~ You see me before I have a chance to scare you, and yell for everyone to hear that "THERE'S A GUY WAITING TO JUMP OUT AT YOU RIGHT HERE!!!!"

~ You ask me stupid questions (i.e. 'what are you supposed to be?' 'how do I get out of here?' 'did you need a degree to do this?') or otherwise take advantage of the fact that I can't talk to you or break character.

~ I try to scare you. You try to tell me how to do my job. Examples of this are pointing at your buddy behind you and saying "Get him get him get him!" or telling me to "Scare Jennifer! Her name's Jennifer!".

~ You go through the haunted house wasted, bumping into everyone, spilling beer on the little kids in front of you, trying to pick fights with scarers, and generally embarrassing yourself in public.

~ You touch, grope, punch, or otherwise intentionally inappropriately come into physical contact with a scarer.

~ You bring your two-year-old into the haunted house and proceed to hold them in front of your face so that when I jump out to scare you, I am instead faced with a traumatized child and an angry parent screaming "WHY WOULD YOU SCARE A CHILD?!?!"

~ You take a picture.

I'm saying don't do these things, not because you might offend or insult me, but rather because you are ruining the experience for everyone around you.

Sure, I get annoyed and exasperated when people ask me dumb questions or get up in my face. But think of the person behind you. Are they a child? A group of teenagers? An elderly couple? They are watching as you grope at my butt. They hear the nasty things you're saying to me, and they know they've missed out on a scare because now you've blown my cover. The kids can smell the beer on your breath and witness your immature behavior. Presumably, you came to enjoy the haunted house or to get a few thrills & chills. So did everyone else. Be considerate!

3 - You see a dark corner in the haunted house and think it would be cool to hide there and scare people as they're passing by.

DON'T.
You are not an employee. You did not audition for the job, you did not sign a contact. You are creating a HUGE liability for the park by putting yourself in a position to be hurt or confronted by guests, scarers, or park security. I understand that it'd be fun for you/your friends to be 'interactive', and it's very tempting, but for your own sake please don't.
Also, if a scarer sees you hiding, we're often forced to break character to get you OUT of that restricted area. Other people in the house will then see us out of character and giving you a tongue lashing. Don't force us to ruin the event for others.

4 - If you react violently when frightened, don't bring weapon-like objects into the haunted house.
Duh. I've been hit by rolled-up maps, stuffed animals, and plastic lightsabers. If your reflex is to swing at things that pop out at you, leave that crap outside where it won't cause you a lawsuit.

5 - Don't stop!

Stopping causes lots of problems, the biggest one being traffic jams. We get that you're scared, but now everyone behind you has to wait on you to get up the guts to walk forward. In the meantime, scarers are often forced to stop scaring because space becomes limited and we get stuck staring at the same person for several minutes.
When you pay good money to enter a haunted house and wait up to two hours to get in, you don't want to be stuck waiting in yet another line inside the house because one schmuck won't move forward.

Please plan ahead; find out what the theme of the house is before entering so you can avoid your worst nightmares, and/or bring a buddy who can drag your ass through if you freeze up.

If you really are too scared to finish the house, find an employee (NOT a scarer!) or have someone find one for you if you can't move. They're posted throughout the house and will whisk you to the nearest exit without judging you. We all understand what it's like to be terrified, there's no shame in it. But if you can, keep moving. It's the only way out!

That's all I can think of! I'm sure there's more, but it's late and I have work in the morning.

Have a fun and happy Halloween RHU!

--Crane

 

 

Angry Pumpkin

After finding out he has to work closing shift on Thanksgiving.

 

Dreaming of a Zombie Wasteland

From Delusional Convenience Store Clerk on Retail Hell Underground:

I'm dreaming of a zombie wasteland.
Just the one I've seen through Romero
Where the custys are nicer,
and the hellspawn are quieter.
To hear the sound of my own voice!

I'm dreaming of a zombie wasteland
With every empty smile I show.
May your days be filled with unrelenting hunger.
And may all your days be filled with the undead!

I'm dreaming of a zombie wasteland.
With every empty smile I show.
May your days be filled with unrelenting hunger.
And may all your days be filled with the undead!

I wrote a song for all the retail slaves out there. I hope they too dream of a zombie wasteland this holiday season. God knows I do.

-Delusional Convenience Store Clerk