Retail Hell The Book

Academy Awards of Retail Hell

Oscars For Sale

Souvenir store across the street from the Kodak Theater where the Oscars are held. Pic taken two days before the big show - the pseudo Academy Awards didn't appear to be flying off the shelves. Even with the help of a big rotating Oscar mannequin and his buns of steel. 

 

Thousands of fake Oscars waiting to be awarded.

 

There's even one for your dog and accountant! 

 

Oscar Mannequin stands proud showing off his star.

 

But when custys are drawn in, you know it's because of that gold ass!

  

Breakroom Hell

Where are the paintball guns when you need them?

Sent in from a Kohl's Slave whose identity shall remain protected by RHU's Secret Retail Slave Wittness Program.

Kerry's Nightmare Part 19: Valentines Day Piggy Hell

No love in Retail Hell on Valentines Day. This is what I walked into. No one was there all fucking day and I had to close ALONE.

Go back hell and remnants of a Piggy stampede.

 

VD Shopping Therapy for a broken-hearted Custy: Try on the whole fucking store and leave a huge mess for me to clean up.

The piggies that are too lazy to mess up the fitting rooms.

Valentines Day Night was anything but sweet for me. We closed at 9, but because the place was such a disaster from all these heartless piggies, I didn't leave until 10:20. Fuck Valentines Day in Retail Hell. I drank heavily.

Showoff Mannequin

Yes, even mannis love them some Prada.

Though it looks likes she's going to spank it.

And that hideous blouse she's wearing needs to be burned.

 

How The Day Starts in Retail Hell

At which point you say, "Fuck it. Time for a coffee break!"

Butt-tastic Store

They probably have a huge fat-ass section and there are assholes everywhere.

 

Blue Mannequin Cops a Feel

From Dianne: "Saw this at the downtown Seattle Barney's. Not sure what the Sky Blue Group is doing suspended in public with "busy hands". The whole store basically freaks me out anyway."

Below are some lazy Barney's Co-op blue mannis just hanging around.The Grove in LA.

Burger Bitch: Trapped on Dumbass Street

I’m not sure if there’s some form of Idiot fumes in the air or what’s going on, but customers and managers seem to be getting more and more retarded.

My manager just hired THREE more people, even though we have more than enough people now, my hours were already cut by half, so I had to take any extra shifts that came up just so I could do groceries, pay my phone bill and pay for Karate.

The customers today must have all came from Dumbass Street in Retard Town, the first two came in and ordered burgers.

I asked if they wanted them by themselves or in combos, they both refused the combos because “They weren’t hungry.”

I asked if that was everything and they go “Oh, and two fries and two Pepsi’s”

... Uuuh. I ask, “So, you want the combos then?”

“NO, WE DON’T WANT THE COMBOS.”

Alright, fine, so I didn’t put them in combos, which makes them about two dollars or so more expensive than the combos.

When I told them the price, they got even more snippy, but paid it.

I don’t give a shit, not my money.

Shortly afterwords, I’m waiting for a customer to, I assumed, make up his mind.

He’s just standing there, not really doing anything, so I say “I can help you over here.”

But he just kind of looks at me and keeps staring at my co-worker who was helping people at the other cash.

I stand there for a good five minutes and he still doesn’t budge.

I end up going to the back to grab a drink, when I come back, my supervisor tells me that the customer was upset that I didn’t take his order.

UUUUH.

I stood there for five fucking minutes and he didn’t come over to me, what was I supposed to do? Read his fucking mind?

AND THEN THE FINALE.

Three minutes before my shift ends (Yes, I was staring at the clock and counting) there’s a short line, maybe six people.

A woman orders, I ask her if that’s everything, but no, her husband has to order too. 

And then... –Jaws music-

... his cell phone goes off.

It’s like that moment in a movie everything stands still and you’re at the edge of your seat, just about crapping yourself with anticipation.

But sure enough, he answers his cell phone.

I ask her: “Would it be ok if I voided this out for now and took other customers orders?”

She replies: “Oh no, he’ll just be a sec.”

A sec turned into TEN FUCKING MINUTES.

I had to call someone else up to take orders on the other cash.

Do people not fucking realize that they’re wasting other people’s life?

IS THAT PHONE CALL REALLY THAT IMPORTANT?

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Burger Bitch

Shopping Carts Takes on Mt Everdirt

Completely ill-prepared, the summit will most likely kill them.

From Mick